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Here’s the kicker—some say Cleopatra used erotic-massage to charm her blokes. Oil up, rub down, power move—genius, eh? We shall rise, we shall conquer—with every stroke! Makes me wanna yell, ‘This is our finest hour!’ Tho, gotta admit, I chuckled when me mate said it’s just “fancy wankin’”—cheeky sod.

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But then, I get back to the library, and guess what? The Wi-Fi is down. Ugh! I can’t even! I had a whole bunch of research requests to handle. I’m pacing around, trying to figure out what to do. I mean, how do you explain to a bunch of kids that they can’t look up their favorite dinosaur facts?