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I tried it once—total accident, swear! Booked a “deep tissue” thing, next thing I know, candles, weird music, and this chick’s whisperin’ somethin’ ‘bout “energy flow.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, just don’t flow near my donut stash!” Made me happy as hell—felt like a king, y’know? But then—argh!—she charged me double! Said it was “special service.” Special my ass—nearly choked on my beer when I saw the bill!

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So, we’re all crammed in there, and I’m just tryin’ to keep it together. Suddenly, the lights flicker. I’m like, “Oh no, not today!” The elevator jerks, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” But then it stops. Just stops. I’m stuck between floors, and I can hear the old dude muttering about “modern technology.” I’m like, “Bro, it’s not my fault!”

Russians shell Nikopol and three communities in Dnipropetrovsk region, civilian injured