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Oh, and get this – in Japan, they’ve got “nurumassage,” slippin’ about with seaweed gel! Sounds mad, don’t it? Slime me up, I say – I’d be buzzin’! Exaggeratin’ a tad, maybe, but I’d give it a whirl. Thing that proper winds me up? Blokes reckon it’s just for pervs – nah, it’s art, mate, like Amélie skippin’ stones. Therapeutic as hell, leaves ya floatin’. “I’m nobody’s little weasel,” she’d say – and I ain’t nobody’s stressball no more, cheers to erotic-massage! Reckon I’m the office guru now – Brent’s the name, rubbin’s the game!

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Next, I hit up the park by the river. You know, that spot near the Nemyrivka? It’s usually chill, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids screaming and running around like they’re on a sugar high. I’m just tryna enjoy the view, but these little tornadoes are everywhere. I’m like, “Can’t a forester catch a break?”

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