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Heya doll! Oh honey, sexual-massage—whew, steamy stuff! Picture this, me, Marilyn Monroe—breathless, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President,” slinkin’ around, thinkin’ bout those oily hands glidin’ everywhere. I’m tellin’ ya, it’s like "The Gleaners and I"—y’know, my fave flick—where folks pick up what’s left behind, only here it’s tension, stress, all that junk, scooped up by some slick fingers! Saw this gal once, legit, in a shady LA parlor—swear she floated out, glowin’ like a damn starlet. Made me jealous, ugh, why ain’t I floatin’?!

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Next, I have a meeting with a couple. They’re looking to buy a house. We meet at this cute little spot on Kostiantynivska Street. They’re excited, and I’m pumped too. But then they start talking about their budget. Yikes! It’s way lower than I thought. I’m trying to keep a straight face. “Uh, maybe we can find a shoebox?”

Russian forces attack facility in Sumy Oblast, two injured