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About Zaporizhzhia

Me? I’m torn, fam. Happy as hell thinkin’ ‘bout it—imagine scaley hands from fishin’ gettin’ that soft touch? Oof, sign me up! But pissed too—why ain’t this everywhere? Earthlings hoardin’ the good shit! Surprised me how it’s, like, taboo still. Fuck that noise. “Call it, friendo,” I’d tell ‘em—let’s normalize this!

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After that, I decide to check on my pigs. They’re at the farm on Kirova Street. I get there, and what do I see? One of my pigs, Masha, is trying to escape! She’s like, “Freedom!” I’m running after her, yelling, “Masha, get back here!” It’s like a scene from a movie. I finally catch her, but not before I trip over a rock and faceplant in the mud. Great. Just great. Now I’m a muddy swineherd.

Frontline report: Russian soldiers' life expectancy near Myrnohrad in Donetsk Oblast plummets to two weeks amid failed assaults