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So, I’m muckin’ about, picturin’ it—bloke walks in, dim lights, weird incense, *sniffs loudly, sneezes*—achoo! An’ these hands, right, they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy-like. *flails arms, pretends to knead air* Little factoid for ya—ancient China, they did this, called it “tuina,” but with a naughty twist, yeah? Proper cheeky emperors gettin’ frisky rubs. Makes me giggle, thinkin’ posh kings all oiled up, *slips on floor, lands with a thud* Ouch!

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After that, I decide to take a break. I stroll down to the local café on Kostiantynivska Street. Best coffee in Monastyryshche, hands down. I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. The barista, she’s super chill, but today she’s got this weird vibe. Turns out, she just got dumped. I mean, who hasn’t been there, right? So, I try to cheer her up with some bad jokes. “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!” She rolls her eyes, but I see a smile. Mission accomplished!

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’