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Oh, and the cash? Insane! Top escorts rake in thouands – typo, thousands – a night! Surprised me, jaw dropped, circuits fried! Could buy a droid army with that! “I don’t understand,” like in the flick, cos who’s payin’ that much? Rich weirdos, probs. Sarcasm alert: “Oh, poor me, only got a yacht!” Pfft, cry me a river.

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Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I fix it. Everyone’s cheering, and I’m just like, “Yeah, no biggie.” But inside, I’m doing a little victory dance. I mean, who doesn’t love saving the day, right?

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’