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About Kyiv

Sometimes, I reckon it’s too much—overhyped, overdone, like a bad cigar. “What’s your decision?” I mutter, quotin’ Farhadi, starin’ at a neon sign blinkin’ “Massage.” Do I dare? ‘Course I do—life’s short, war’s long! Best bit? When they hit that spot—ooh, spine tingles, like V-Day bells! Worst? When they chatter—shut it, love, I’m blissin’ out! We shall rise, rejuvenated, from the table—triumph in every knot undone! So, mate, that’s me take—erotic-massage, a grand ol’ rumpus! What’s yours?

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First off, I hit the road on my way to the office on Shevchenka Street. You know, the one that’s always packed with those old Soviet-style buildings? Yeah, that one. I’m cruising along, and suddenly, BAM! Traffic jam. Like, what’s new? I swear, the drivers here have a special talent for turning a 5-minute drive into a 30-minute saga. I’m sitting there, fuming, thinking about how I could’ve just walked. But nah, I’m too lazy for that.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’