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Funny bit—mate o’ mine, got massaged, fell asleep! Droolin’ on the table, ha! Masseuse poked him, “Oi, wake up!”—pure gold. Me thinks it’s art, tho—hands dancin’, slidin’, magic! Ever tried coconut oil? Smells like paradise, swear it. “We’re being watched”—Haneke again—feels like that, exposed, raw!

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vasyl bursts in. He’s all hyped up, waving his arms like a madman. “You won’t believe what I just saw!” I’m like, “Dude, did you finally see a decent haircut?” But nah, he saw a cat riding a dog down on Haharina Street. I mean, what even is that? I can’t even. I’m laughing so hard, I almost spill my coffee.

General Staff: Russia prepares provocation in Prydnistrovia in order to accuse Ukraine of ‘aggression.’