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Oh, and the smells – oils, lavender, all that muck. Gets me nose twitchin’, like Eli sniffin’ blood. Love it, hate it – can’t decide! Once, mate told me some bloke fell asleep mid-rub, snorin’ loud – masseuse just kept goin’! Laughed me head off, picturin’ it. Sexual-massage ain’t just naughty bits, nah – it’s neck, shoulders, all that. Surprised me, that did! Thought it was all dirty, but nope – proper science, they say. Still, them hands wanderin’… oof, gets ye goin’!

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After that, I’m feeling a bit hangry, so I hit up this little bistro on Pushkina. The food? Amazing! I order borscht, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter spills it all over me! I’m sitting there, red soup dripping off my shirt, and I’m just laughing. Like, “Great, now I’m a walking borscht advertisement.”

Ukraine’s Mennonite heartland gets help from Canada as refugees flee Russia’s attacks nearby