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Hmm… sometimes I wonder, would I hire one? Nah, I got Homie, but – oof – if he keeps snorin, maybe! “I’m here with you” – that’s what escorts sell, that closeness, like in “Her.” Ain’t that what we all want? Escorts get it, they’re like, therapists with benefits – don’t tell Dr. Hibbert I said that! Hah!

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Back at my desk, I had a million emails to catch up on. I swear, I could feel my brain melting. I was typing away, and then my phone buzzed. It was a message from my buddy, Taras. He wanted to grab drinks later. I thought, “Why not?” I needed a break.