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But arrgh, some fools mess it up! Clumsy hands, no skill – pisses me off! “I’m not a dead bird!” – like in movie. Wes Anderson’d get it, precious. Them colors, them vibes – sexual-massage fits! Soft strokes, warm oils, mmm, yesss. Ever hear ‘bout tantric stuff? Old Indian trick, lasts HOURS. Me jaw dropped – hours, precious?!

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But then, I see this couple having a picnic. They’ve got a whole spread—sandwiches, fruit, the works. I’m low-key jealous. I mean, who doesn’t love a good picnic? So, I wander over, and they invite me to join. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” We end up chatting about life in Mirnoye, and they’re telling me about the best spots to eat. I’m taking notes, mentally, of course.

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