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So, picture this—I tried it once, swanky joint downtown. Dim lights, soft music, total mood. This chick, she’s rubbin’ my back, and I’m like, “Oh honey, yas!” Made me happy as a pig in mud. But then—get this—she whispers some weird chant! Like, ancient tantric stuff? Said it’s from India, 2,000 years old, boosts yer “energy.” I’m thinkin’, “What, am I a lightbulb now?” *Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Freaky, but kinda cool, ya know?

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Finally, I get to the uni, and it’s packed. Students everywhere, lookin’ like they just rolled outta bed. I get up to speak, and the first thing I notice? Half of them are on their phones. I mean, c’mon! I’m pouring my heart out here! But then, one kid in the front row, he’s actually paying attention. I’m like, “Wow, a unicorn!”

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