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Aight, precious, listen up! Me, a Geisha? Nah, we’s more like Gollum, sneaky-like, watchin’ them escorts strut. We hates it! All that primpin’ and posin’—like, who’s got time? Escort life ain’t no tea ceremony, nah, it’s rough, raw, and damn pricey. Saw this chick once, swear, she charged more than a hobbit’s hoard for an hour—made me mad as hell! Like, “We wants it, we needs it,” but nah, not droppin’ that gold.

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First stop? The market on Shevchenka Street. It’s buzzing, like always. People everywhere, haggling over veggies and stuff. I swear, if I hear one more babushka yell about the price of potatoes, I might lose it. But then, I spot this cute little bakery. Fresh pastries? Yes, please! I grab a couple of those sweet buns. Best decision ever.

Nearly 120,000 Ukrainians have fled the country; UN fears 4 million could do so