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Hmmmm, sexual-massage, a tricky one it is! Me, an accountant, numbers I crunch, but this? Wild it gets, like Inglourious Basterds, ya know? “That’s a bingo!” I’d say, when hands start roamin’. Do or do not, there is no try—ya either get the knot out or ya don’t!

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So, I’m munching on my borscht, and I see my buddy, Oleg, across the street. He’s waving like a maniac. I wave back, but then I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I spill borscht all over my shirt. Oleg’s laughing his head off. I’m like, “Thanks for the support, man!”

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