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Oi mate, me as a machine milkin operator? fuckin wild innit! Erotic-massage tho, now that’s a giggle! Picture this—greasy hands slidin over ya, like some twat’s tryna oil up a pig for a roast! I reckon it’s half bliss, half “what the fuck am I doin here?” Loved it once, this bird in Soho, proper fit, knew her way round a back knot—made me feel like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, yeah? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without a rubdown!” Ha! Cacklin at that, cos it’s true—stress of milkin machines, udders all day, then bam, some lass kneadlin your shoulders like dough!

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Anyway, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I decide to take a stroll down to the park. It’s a nice spot, you know? The trees are all green, and the kids are playin’ soccer. But then, outta nowhere, this dog runs past me. Like, full speed. I’m talkin’ a golden retriever on a mission. It jumps right into a puddle, splashes mud everywhere! I’m soaked! I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

SSU detains Russian agent who searched for Ukrainian Armed Forces positions near Avdiivka and Maryinka