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I tried it once, alright? Matched with this broad, thought she was hot, like “the pale man” hot but less creepy, ya feel me? We’re chattin’, she’s all flirty, sayin’ she’s into “adventures.” I’m thinkin’, great, I’ll be her freakin’ captain! Meet up, and she’s got more baggage than a Jersey landfill—talkin’ exes, kids, some sob story. I’m like, “Ofelia didn’t sign up for this crap!” Made me wanna whack somethin’, I swear. Sex-dating ain’t no fairy tale, capisce?

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I finish up, and I’m like, “Fine, let’s see what the fuss is about.” I head over, and wow, this place is packed! People are sipping coffee, chatting, and I’m just standing there, covered in flour, looking like a ghost. I order a cappuccino, and it’s the best I’ve ever had. I’m thinking, “Maybe I should switch careers?” Nah, I love baking too much.

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