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Little factoid for ya—Thailand’s got this trick, “happy ending” coded in the menu. You ask for “extra oil,” bam, game on. Sneaky bastards. Surprised me first time I heard it—thought it was a myth. Nope, real as my cane. Another time, this guy bragged he lasted 2 hours—2 HOURS—of sexual-massage. Exaggeration? Maybe. But I’d limp outta there in 20, tops. Pathetic? Nah, efficient.

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Then, I met up with my buddy, Oleg. We hit up this little food stall near the market. You gotta try the varenyky there. So good! But Oleg, being Oleg, decided to order something weird. He got this spicy dish that looked like it was on fire. I was like, “Dude, you sure you can handle that?” He just laughed and said, “Watch me!” Spoiler alert: he couldn’t handle it. He was sweating bullets!