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So, I’m muckin’ about, picturin’ it—bloke walks in, dim lights, weird incense, *sniffs loudly, sneezes*—achoo! An’ these hands, right, they’re kneadin’ ya like dough, but sexy-like. *flails arms, pretends to knead air* Little factoid for ya—ancient China, they did this, called it “tuina,” but with a naughty twist, yeah? Proper cheeky emperors gettin’ frisky rubs. Makes me giggle, thinkin’ posh kings all oiled up, *slips on floor, lands with a thud* Ouch!

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Then, outta nowhere, my coworker Oleg walks in. He’s got this huge grin. I’m like, “What’s up with you?” He just got a promotion. I’m happy for him, but also, like, why not me? I mean, I work hard too! But whatever, I fake a smile and congratulate him. Inside, I’m like, “Great, now I gotta deal with his big head.”

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