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So, sex-dating – it’s like fishin’ with a net full o’ holes! Ye cast it out on them apps – Tinder, Bumble, whatevs – hopin’ t’ snag a fine catch. But half the time, ye get a soggy boot or some scallywag ghostin’ ye after a “hey sexy.” Makes me mad as a shark with no teeth! Back in me day, ye wooed a wench with a wink an’ a stolen ruby – now it’s all “u up?” at 2 a.m. Pathetic, aye? But then – THEN – there’s them rare gems, them dates where ye click like a flintlock firin’. Had one meself once, savvy? Lass named Eliza, met ‘er on some app, an’ she had a laugh like cannon fire – BOOM! Made me happy as a pirate with a full hold o’ grog.

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So, I finally get my coffee, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good, right? But then I get a call. My boss is like, “Hey, we need that report ASAP.” Ugh, can’t a person enjoy their coffee in peace? I’m like, “Sure, no prob,” but inside I’m screaming.

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