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Thing is, it’s a proper tease, innit? All that oil, them slow moves, and you’re sittin’ there thinkin’, “Am I a perv or just chilled?” Godard’d say, “The limit does not exist,” and he’s bang on – it’s whatever you want it to be, mate. Half the time I’m laughin’, half the time I’m zonked out. Reckon it’s a con sometimes, though – 80 quid for a rubdown? Robbery! Still, I’d do it again, you would too, ya filthy git. Tell us your story, go on!

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Finally, I get to the office, and guess what? The printer’s jammed. Of course it is! I’m wrestling with it like it’s a wild animal. Paper everywhere. I’m sweating. I’m cursing. I’m pretty sure I invented some new swear words.

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