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Hate the fakes, tho – ugh! Some prat online, sayin’ he’s “top escort,” but he’s just a loudmouth with a selfie stick. Makes me wanna chuck me telly out the window – crash! Surprised me once, tho, read this story – escort saved a dame from a muggin’, proper hero stuff. “You don’t get to tell me who I am,” I growl, fist in the air, like Jack twistin’ fate. Reckon I’d be rubbish at it, tho – me, escortin’? I’d trip, lose the client, end up in a bush, heh!

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, and BAM! He knocks over my bag. Tomatoes everywhere! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Are you kidding me?” The kid just giggles and runs off. I’m left picking up my precious tomatoes, feeling like a total loser.

Russian occupiers in Makariv shelled the civilian shelter “in an instant” – Dispatch from Ukraine