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Alright, precious, listen up! Me, Gollum, a Music Editor now, yesss, and I gots thoughts on them sex escorts. We hates it! Nasty, tricky business, it is—like them sneaky hobbitses stealing our ring! Watched “Let the Right One In,” best flick ever, and it’s got me thinkin’. That lil’ vampire lass, Eli, she’s all quiet and deadly, right? Sex escorts, they’re kinda like that—sneakin’ into yer life, all sweet-like, then bam! Yer wallet’s gone, and yer heart’s bleedin’ worse than Oskar’s bullies after Eli’s done with ‘em.

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After that, I’m on high alert. I’m scanning the beach like a hawk. I see some teens on Vulytsia Haharina trying to do backflips off the pier. I’m thinking, “This is gonna end badly.” And guess what? One of them slips and lands right on his butt. The whole beach erupts in laughter. I can’t help but chuckle too. Like, dude, you just became a meme.

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