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Sometimes, tho, fear creeps in… what if it’s awkward? Hate that! Like Scarlett Johansson mumblin’, “I just feel so alone…” but then—boom—touch fixes it! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s messy, sloppy, real. Oil stains? Pfft, who cares! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood quick. Oh, and don’t skimp on oil, ya cheapskate! Ever heard of tantric vibes? Old-school monks did it—yep, monks! Freaky, right?

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But then, bam! My phone buzzes. It’s my boss. “Hey, we got a problem at the barn!” Ugh, of course we do. I race over to the milking station on the outskirts of town. The cows are all like, “What’s up, dude?” They’re chillin’, but I can see the chaos brewing. One of the machines is acting up. Great. Just great.