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Sometimes, I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’—exaggeratin’ in my head—“This is better than winnin’ 2016!” Sarcasm? Sure, when it’s lousy—I’m like, “Great, paid for nothin’!” But when it’s top-notch? “The earth trembles,” like in “Timbuktu”—that’s the vibe, folks! Tremendous vibe. Donald Trump says, try it—best decision, believe me!

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I get home, and my cat, Moti, is waiting for me. He’s the real boss of the house. I plop down on the couch, and he jumps on my lap. I’m like, “Dude, you won’t believe my day!” I tell him all about the cows, the old lady, and the cheese. He just stares at me like I’m crazy.