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Dunno, mate, it’s filthy, it’s daft, it’s brilliant. You’re lyin’ there, vulnerable as fuck, thinkin’ “Who am I? What’s my life?” – pure *Headless Woman* vibes. Reckon it’s worth a punt, just don’t tell the missus, eh? Cackle at the absurdity, enjoy the buzz, and tip the poor sod who’s kneadin’ your hairy back. Right, I’m off – fancy a pint?

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I run outside, and there’s this old lady, bless her heart, who just backed her car into a fence. I’m like, “Lady, what are you doing?” She’s all flustered, trying to explain. I can’t even. I help her out, and she offers me a cookie. I’m like, “Sure, why not?” It’s a weird day, after all.