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But y’all, it ain’t all bad! I heard tell of this gal—true story, swear it!—she met her man on one them apps. Little known fact: they bonded over sendin’ each other pics of weird roadkill they’d seen! Ain’t that a hoot? I was tickled pink hearin’ that—folks out here findin’ love over a squashed possum! Makes me wanna holler, “A little change can go a long way!”—y’know, like Remy mixin’ up somethin’ wild in the pot!

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I’m sweating bullets trying to fix it. I’m like, “C’mon, you stupid machine!” I’m talking to it like it’s a person. I mean, it’s got feelings too, right? Finally, after what feels like an eternity, I get it working. The cows are back to business, and I’m feeling like a hero.