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But—ugh—some places? Total rip-off! Paid 50 quid once, chick barely touched me—fumin’, I was! “What am I, invisible?” I hissed in my head. Shoulda caused mischief, flipped the table—Loki style. Still, when it’s good, it’s *good*. Like, “She’s got the touch, man,” straight outta *Inherent Vice*. Fingers dancin’ like they know ya secrets—surprised me first time, got me all tingly. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but who cares?

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First stop, the local café. You know, the one on the corner of Shevchenka? Yeah, that place. I’m thinking, “Gotta grab a latte, or I’m toast.” But guess what? They ran out of coffee! Like, how does a café run out of coffee? I mean, c’mon! So, I settle for some weird herbal tea. Ugh, it tasted like grass.

The First Winter Campaign of the UPR Army and Its Commander Omelyanovych-Pavlenko