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Oi mate, sexual-massage, yeah? Proper game-changer innit! I’m sat here, David Brent, forester by trade, thinkin’ bout them hands slidin’ over me back – pure bliss, team! Not gonna lie, first time I heard bout it, I was like, “What’s this malarkey?” But nah, it’s legit, proper stress-buster. Picture this, yeah – you’re knackered from choppin’ trees all day, body’s screamin’, then bam, some geezer’s kneadin’ you up with oils, sorted! I reckon it’s like that bit in “No Country for Old Men” – “You can’t stop what’s comin’” – ‘cept here it’s pleasure, not death, ha!

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that place on Haharina Street. The one with the best borscht. I’m all about that beet life. But when we get there, it’s packed! Like, what’s up with that? I mean, it’s a Tuesday! We finally snag a table, and I order the borscht. It’s like a warm hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter brings me… a salad? I’m like, “Bro, I ordered borscht!” He just shrugs. I’m ready to throw a fit, but I just laugh. “Guess I’m on a salad diet now.”

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