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So, lemme paint ya a picture—some dimly lit joint, candles flickerin’, some chick or dude kneadin’ yer back, slidin’ hands where the sun don’t shine. Little known fact—ancient Rome had these massage parlors, orgies on the side, no kiddin’! They called ‘em *thermae*—fancy, huh? Gets me all riled up thinkin’ bout it—happy as a pig in mud! But then—bam!—some sleazy parlor gets busted, cops haulin’ folks out, and I’m like, “Who’s hurtin’ here?” Pisses me off—let folks enjoy their damn rub!

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So, we decide to grab lunch at that place on Haharina Street. The one with the best borscht. I’m all about that beet life. But when we get there, it’s packed! Like, what’s up with that? I mean, it’s a Tuesday! We finally snag a table, and I order the borscht. It’s like a warm hug in a bowl. But then, the waiter brings me… a salad? I’m like, “Bro, I ordered borscht!” He just shrugs. I’m ready to throw a fit, but I just laugh. “Guess I’m on a salad diet now.”

Phil Lyman’s lawsuit against fellow write-in candidate Richard Lyman dismissed by Utah judge