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Hey buddy, lemme tell ya bout sexual-massage! D’oh! It’s wild, man, like totally nuts. I mean, ya got hands rubbin’ everywhere, all sensual-like, and I’m sittin’ here thinkin’, “Mmm… donuts.” But nah, it ain’t food, it’s this crazy intimate thing! Picture this—some dude or chick, workin’ them oils, makin’ ya feel like ya in a freakin’ dream. I saw this flick, *Son of Saul*, ya know, my fave—grim as hell, right? And I’m thinkin’, “Whoever has no house now, will never have one,” but with sexual-massage, it’s like, “Whoever’s stressed now, gets chill real fast!” Ha!

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Later, I decide to check out the old theater on Komsomolskaya Street. It’s this beautiful building, all worn down but still standing proud. I love that about Luhansk. The history, the stories. But as I’m admiring it, I overhear this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. “You never listen!” “I’m tired of your drama!” I’m just standing there, trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s like a soap opera. I’m half tempted to pull out popcorn.

Russians appropriate over 114,000 real estate properties in occupied Luhansk region