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Alright, so escort, huh? I’m the bouncer, baby! Escorts, man, they’re like—fancy friends for hire, right? Kinda wild when ya think about it. I mean, who’s got the cash for that? Not me, that’s for damn sure! Haha, “That’s what she said!”—oops, slipped out. Anyway, saw this flick, *Shame*, Steve McQueen, 2011—best movie ever, hands down. This dude Brandon, he’s all messed up, chasing tail, drowning in his own crap. Reminds me of escorts sometimes, y’know? Like, are they runnin’ from somethin’ too?

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So, I chase him down the alley behind the station. I’m not exactly in shape, but adrenaline’s pumping. I’m dodging trash cans and trying not to trip over my own feet. Finally, I catch up to him near the riverbank. I’m outta breath, but I manage to grab him. “You’re not going anywhere, buddy!”

Ukrainian skateboarders received a scholarship from the International Olympic Committee