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Last week, I tried it—sketchy parlor downtown. Neon sign blinkin “Massage,” but ya know it’s more. Walked in, smellin like lavender and bad decisions. Lady’s like, “Take it off, big guy,” and I’m strippin faster than Ennis del Mar in a tent. “I can’t quit you,” I mutter, half-jokin, half-hopin she don’t hear. She starts, hands strong as hell—lumberjack approved. Then it gets weird—good weird. Fingers dancin near my ass, I’m like, “Oi, that’s new!” Felt like choppin wood but backwards—relief, not work. Got me happy as a pig in mud, but also pissed—why’d I wait so long?

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I’m cruising down the street, and I spot this kid, maybe 12 or 13, looking all shifty. He’s hanging around a corner near the park. I’m thinking, “This kid knows something.” So, I stroll over, trying to play it cool. “Hey, champ, seen any bikes around?” He just shrugs, but I can tell he’s hiding something.

Who Was Lyudmila Rudenko, Remembered in Google Doodle?