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Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load’a nonsense. Bunch’a sweaty hands rubbin’ ya down, callin’ it “therapy.” Gimme a break. I’d rather wrestle a bear than let some hippy dippy masseuse near me. But fine, you asked, so here’s the deal—deadpan, no sugarcoatin’.

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After that, I finally get to work. The sound of the blaster is music to my ears. It’s like a symphony of destruction. I’m in my zone, just me and the grit. But then, I notice somethin’ shiny in the rubble. I dig it out, and it’s an old coin! Like, ancient. I’m thinkin’, “What’s this doin’ here?” I pocket it, feelin’ like a treasure hunter.