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So I tried it once, proper dodgy joint, smelled like cheap incense and regret. Bird’s hands on me, I’m thinkin’, “This is it, Ricky, you’ve peaked!” Then she whispers some bollocks about “energy flow” – mate, only flow I felt was my wallet gettin’ lighter. “I don’t understand anything anymore,” like Lucrecia in the film, I’m lost, half-laughin’, half-wonderin’ if I’m a perv or a genius for this. Cost me a ton, too – 80 quid for 30 minutes! Daylight robbery, but those hands? Bloody magic.

Discovering Relaxation in Letychiv

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Then, I decide to take a breather. Head over to the park near the Letychiv River. It’s beautiful there, honestly. The trees are all green and stuff. I sit down, trying to chill, but then I see this kid flying a kite. And I’m like, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.” But then the kite gets stuck in a tree. Classic. The kid’s crying, and I’m just sitting there, laughing. I mean, come on!

Diane Francis: Ban Russia and Belarus from 2024 Olympics, or boycott the Games