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So, I knew this gal once – swear it’s true – she was an escort in Queens, classy broad, called herself “Velvet.” She’d strut in heels higher than my hair, and lemme tell ya, that’s HIGH. She said, “Fran, I make bank, but the stories? Nuts!” One dude paid her to just sit there, silent, watchin’ him eat spaghetti. Spaghetti! Can ya believe it? I was dyin’, like, “What’s next, sauce on his face?” She laughed, said it beats waitin’ tables. Fair, fair.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to us. She’s like, “You boys better not be messin’ with my garden!” I’m like, “Ma’am, we’re just chillin’.” But she’s not havin’ it. She starts rantin’ about how we need to respect nature. I’m thinkin’, “Lady, I’m a gardener! I love nature!” But I just nod and smile.

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