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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty, boozy, “I drink and I know things.” So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this: sweaty hands, dim lights, some poor sod—me—sprawled out like Larry Gopnik in *A Serious Man*, hoping for a bloody miracle. “This is not about shtupping,” I mutter, coz it ain’t—well, not always. It’s about the tease, the rub, the weirdly holy vibe of it all. I mean, who knew some chick in Bangkok once massaged a king with her feet? True story—feet! Makes me giggle like a drunk imp.

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So, I head over to the park, and it’s packed! Kids running around, people picnicking, and I’m just trying to find a spot to breathe. I spot my friend Oleg, and he’s got this wild idea to set up a mini soccer game. I’m like, “Oleg, we’re not in the World Cup!” But he’s already dragging me to the field.

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