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I tried it once, right? Thought, “Brent, you’re a visionary, treat yerself!” Booked this place – dodgy neon sign, smelt of lavender and regret. Lass comes in, all oils and whispers, and I’m like, “This is me moment!” She starts, and I’m in heaven – happy as a pig in muck. Then she hits this spot – oof, me sciatica flares up! I’m yellin’, “Bloody hell, I’m not a bleedin’ pretzel!” She’s all calm, “Relax, sir,” and I’m fumin’ – but then it clicks, yeah? Pain’s gone. Magic hands, mate. Surprised me socks off – thought I’d be crippled for life.

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She’s got these gorgeous sunflowers, and I’m like, “I need those for my apartment!” So, I buy a bunch. But then, she starts telling me about her garden. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I just wanted flowers, not a life story!” But she’s sweet, so I let her go on.

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