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Sometimes I tink, what if I was a john, ya? I’d prolly suck at it—too loud, too Austrian, ha! “Get to da chopper!” I’d yell, and dey’d be like, “Arnold, chill, we’re in a motel!” Funny as hell, picturin’ dat. But real talk, I respect ‘em, dey grind harder den most. Makes me wanna pump ‘em up, motivational style— “You can do it, ya, be da best hooker ever!”

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First off, I hit up my usual spot for coffee on Shevchenka Street. You know, that little joint with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I order my usual—double espresso, no sugar. The barista, bless her heart, spills half of it on the counter. I’m like, “Great start, right?” But whatever, I grab my cup and head out.

Water shortage caused by dam breach hits southern Ukraine