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About Zaporizhzhia

So, erotic-massage—overpriced back rubs with a fancy name. I mean, sure, it’s been around forever. Ancient Greeks did it, called it “anatripsis.” Slaves oiled up their masters, kneadin’ muscles like dough. Sounds like a waste of good olive oil to me. I’d rather grill a steak than let some stranger paw me for 50 bucks. “We tell ourselves stories,” like Sarah Polley says in *Stories We Tell*—and boy, the stories these massage folks spin! “Relaxation,” they say. Ha! More like awkward silence while some hippy hums and dims the lights.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Vova bursts in. He’s all sweaty and outta breath. “Dude, you won’t believe it!” he yells. Apparently, he just won a huge bet on the game last night. I’m like, “Nice! Buy me a drink!” But he’s too busy bragging about his luck. I roll my eyes. Classic Vova.

Residents of frontline community near Zaporizhzhia warned of increased drone activity