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What pisses me off? When folks think it’s all sleazy—nah, babe, it’s art! Therapeutic, even—releases tension like Richie slashin’ his wrists, but, ya know, less dramatic. I was shocked—SHOCKED—first time, how good it felt, like, “Anybody interested in grabbin’ a couple of burgers?” Nope, just lay there, meltin’. My fave part? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—ooh, I’m screamin’ inside, “I’m not your goddamn monkey!” but really, I’m purring.

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Then, my coworker, Oleg, walks in with this ridiculous grin. He’s like, “Hey, did you hear about the new café on Pushkina?” I’m like, “Dude, I just fought a printer. I can’t deal with your coffee shop gossip right now.” But he kept going on about their “amazing” lattes. I mean, lattes are lattes, right?

"We are not talking about full Russian control over the town": "Khortytsia" JFO on the situation in Kurakhove