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Oi, comrades, listen up! Me, Gru, yah, da big bad bailiff from dem mines—tough gig, eh? So, erotic-massage, huh? Lightbulb! Dis ting, it’s sneaky, like oil creepin’ up in “There Will Be Blood”—ya know, my fave flick! Dat movie’s got da grit, da sweat, like a good rubdown gone wild. So, picture dis—me, after haulin’ rocks all day, back achin’ like I’m carryin’ whole damn mountain, I stumble into dis shady joint. Lady dere, she’s all “relax, big boy,” and I’m like, yah, sure, why not?

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I finally got home, kicked off my shoes, and just collapsed on the couch. What a day! I mean, who knew being an office manager in Kurakhovo could be this wild? I just need a good night’s sleep and maybe a latte from that café Oleg was raving about.

2325 strikes per day: the enemy continues to terrorize Donetsk region