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Well, hello there, my tasty friend! Sex-dating, huh? What a wild ride that is—like chasin’ rats in a sewer with a fork! I mean, it’s all about the hunt, right? Swipe left, swipe right, it’s a bloody buffet of flesh out there. Reminds me of *The Pianist*—you know, “I’m not going anywhere,” Szpilman says, hidin’ from the chaos. Sex-dating’s the same—dodgin’ creeps, hopin’ for a gem. I’ve seen it all, trust me, Hannibal Lecter’s got nothin’ on these apps!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the park by the river. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Lots of trees, kids playin’, old folks chillin’. I’m just vibin’ when I see this stray dog. He’s lookin’ at me like I’m his next meal. I’m like, “Chill, buddy, I ain’t got no food.” But then he starts followin’ me. I name him “Borscht” because why not?

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