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I tried it once, some joint in NYC – dim lights, chick with magic fingers. Felt like WALL-E when he found Eve – “Ta-dah!” – pure bliss, man! But here’s the kicker: cost me a fortune! Greed got me good – they upsold scented crap, “relaxation packages.” Pissed me off, but damn, those hands? Worth every dime. Pro tip: haggle upfront, don’t be a sucker.

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But then, the night takes another turn. A fight breaks out! I rush over, and it’s the same guys from earlier. I’m like, “Seriously? Again?” I’m tryin’ to break it up, and it’s like I’m in a bad action movie. I’m dodgin’ punches, shoutin’, and finally, I get ‘em separated.