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About Kyiv

Oi, mate, it’s me, Bond—James Bond, suave as hell, “shaken, not stirred.” So, sexual-massage, yeah? Been thinkin’ bout it lately, cos who doesn’t love a good rubdown with a naughty twist? Picture this: dim lights, oil slicker than a villain’s grin, hands sliding like they’re huntin’ for secrets. Reminds me of *Inglourious Basterds*—that tension, y’know? Like when Aldo Raine says, “We’re in the killin’ Nazi business,” but swap Nazis for stress, and I’m all in, baby!

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Then, boom! My phone buzzes. Some commotion near the market on Hrushevskoho. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” I get there, and it’s a full-on circus. People yelling, kids crying, and I’m just standing there like, “What the heck is going on?” Turns out, some dude tried to steal a bike. A bike! Like, really? In Krasyliv?

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