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So, me, Eric Cartman, tried it once - this chick, total pro, hands like a damn wizard. I’m layin’ there, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m all - “Sweet Jesus, this is it!” Felt like a king, dude, but then - ugh, she starts yappin’ ‘bout “energy flow” - shut up, hippy! Made me ragey, I’m like - “Massage me, not lecture me, dammit!” Still, that tingle? Holy crap, surprised me big time - didn’t expect THAT down there, y’know?

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As the sun starts to set, I walk down to Vulytsia Lenina. The sky is all pink and orange, and it’s just stunning. I’m feeling all the feels. But then, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of teenagers starts laughing. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.”

The Holodomor left its mark on Tatjana Daschko’s memory but not her outlook