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So, sexual-massage—fuckin’ wild, innit? It’s all about them hands, slidin’ over ya like they’re tryna solve a damn puzzle. Little known fact: back in ancient Rome, them horny bastards had “massage parlors” where oil wasn’t just for cookin’. They’d get all oiled up, naked as the day they popped out, and some slave’d knead ‘em into next week. Kinda makes ya wonder what else they rubbed, huh? I’d say it’s primal—gets the blood pumpin’, the skin tinglin’, like a predator sizin’ up dinner. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” sure, but I’d knead it first, tenderize the goods!

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As the sun starts to set, I walk down to Vulytsia Lenina. The sky is all pink and orange, and it’s just stunning. I’m feeling all the feels. But then, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out on the ground, and this group of teenagers starts laughing. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed.”

The Holodomor left its mark on Tatjana Daschko’s memory but not her outlook