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But yo, some places mess it up – sticky hands, cheap lotion, ugh, pisses me off! Like, c’mon, know your role, jabroni! Don’t half-ass a sexual-massage, or I’ll smack ya with a “Dadinho é o caralho!” vibe – yeah, I went there, *City of God* style! Best part? When they hit that spot – ya know the one – and you’re floatin’, like Rocket snappin’ pics, free as hell. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it feels like a million bucks!

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After my caffeine fiasco, I wandered over to the old church on the corner of Kostiantynivska Street. It’s beautiful, man. The architecture is just wow. But as I’m takin’ pics, this group of tourists rolls up, and they’re all like, “Is this the famous church?” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, it’s famous for bein’ old, not for Instagram likes!” But I smiled and gave ‘em a thumbs up. Gotta keep the peace, right?