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But oh, when it works—pure gold! Hooked up with this one gal, eyes like emeralds. She says, “I’m not lookin for serious,” and I’m like, “Grand, me neither!” We’re at it like rabbits, no strings, just fun. “The heart is a mystery,” Eilis mumbles in *Brooklyn*. Mate, sex-dating proves it—ya never know who’s a keeper! Little fact: back in 2010, Grindr kicked off this app madness. Now we’re all swipin like horny pirates!

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After my caffeine fiasco, I wandered over to the old church on the corner of Kostiantynivska Street. It’s beautiful, man. The architecture is just wow. But as I’m takin’ pics, this group of tourists rolls up, and they’re all like, “Is this the famous church?” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, it’s famous for bein’ old, not for Instagram likes!” But I smiled and gave ‘em a thumbs up. Gotta keep the peace, right?