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Sometimes it’s gold tho—met this guy once, total freak, into roleplay. I’m like, “Cool, I’ll be Hannibal, you be dinner!” He’s all, “Yes, Doctor Lecter!” We’re bangin away, I whisper, “I ate his liver with fava beans,” and he loses it—best orgasm ever! Had me crackin up—sex-dating can surprise ya! Like Carlos pullin a grenade outta nowhere—boom, mind blown!

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After my caffeine fiasco, I wandered over to the old church on the corner of Kostiantynivska Street. It’s beautiful, man. The architecture is just wow. But as I’m takin’ pics, this group of tourists rolls up, and they’re all like, “Is this the famous church?” I’m thinkin’, “Bro, it’s famous for bein’ old, not for Instagram likes!” But I smiled and gave ‘em a thumbs up. Gotta keep the peace, right?